No heading ...its a state of mind for me

This is how i wanted it to be:

Pass out of college and get a kick ass job

Move into an apartment on my own and live life to the fullest

Take salsa classes

Make enough money to do my higher studies in a good University abroad, preferably the US..i say abroad because the course i want to specialise in is available only in Universities abroad..and US because half of my family is there and i have a soft corner for US;)

Pass out with flying colours and get a job

Think about marriage

Build my way up the career ladder

Visit loads of places

Take up a hobby and be serious about it. Pottery, painting, baking, candle making and so on.

Meet a Mr. perfect (and by that i mean someone in my wavelength..there is no Mr perfect in reality)somewhere along the way and get hitched for life

Have the most amazing, romantic wedding ever and be so smitten and in love for ever and ever and ever

Honeymoon for about 5 years and then decided to go the family way

Have kids and still enjoy life to the fullest and not fall out of love in the process

Not stop 'having a life' because you are all settled down

Chuck the kids out of the house by 18 and go ask them to live life the hard way, make money on their own if they want to have an extravagant wedding (if they want to get married at all that is. Living together..good enough for me)

By now i would have reached somewhere up the career ladder, prob own a business or something and so id be tackling other areas of interest or expanding my business

Take a holiday without having to worry about loans and ailments

Die before my husband does :)

This is how it ultimately IS

Passed out of college and did land a job

Moved into an apartment on my own and was just beginning to enjoy life to the fullest.

6 months down, i got engaged and quit my job (no not to Mr. Perfect but to Mr. systematic and I'm-serious-in-life-i-cant-do-things-for-fun)

Had a pretty decent wedding, but not the one of my dreams. Smitten yes, for a good 2 years, after that it was just plain annoying to have a nagging husband..yes in our case.

Honeymooned for exactly one week and after that it was eclipsed. Fought on all valentines days, birthdays etc. after that, religiously :)

Pottered around a newly set up house, threw parties, had a tough time adjusting to the new person in my life and married life in general

Missed being single, a lot

Went off to the US. Was beginning to like it there when we had to return back to India

Frustration set in and i got a job, again

Enjoyed myself to the max, loved the job, loved being independent, loved the appreciation, loved the money, loved the pressure, loved life in general

One year down, quit the job, relocated to UK. Within UK, relocated quite a bit. And yeah uncertainty rocks!!!!! You should try it sometime

Frustrated, friendless, fat

Struggling to freelance from home. Was doing OK, till a bunch of unprofessional f****** in the publishing business decided to keep my pay stalling and i decided to quit. Thanks a lot F----e (you know which mag right?)

Non stop harassment from people-i-don't-care-about, about stuff i don't care about at the moment

Did i mention FAT?

...this is the story so far

Yeah yeah, sob, sob, i know everyone has their share of miseries. I'm in one of those miserable moods and the rainy, gloomy weather inst helping much. I complete 4 years of wedded bliss (quite a strong word to use, if i may say so) in 3 days. What a pathetic time for me to remember nasty things. Well, if only the world was a happier place to be in and life worked out just the way you planned it.

As if that wasn't enough, I am entering the big three zero soon and i haven't achieved any of those things i wanted to. Reality set in last night and i recalled all those things i wanted to do and which i would have done if my head had made the decision and not my heart. I cried myself to sleep and actually woke Ro with my uncontrollable sobs. He thought i had a bad dream or something and in between snores consoled me saying, its all OK...well, little does he know!

PS: Even though i have an emotionless, unromantic goof of a guy as husband, he is the only one who can actually stand me (although I'm sure he's wished a million times he'd married someone else). Understand me, not quite well, but bear with what I'm going through, yes to an extent. I love you and I'm sorry for being a bitch right now. I love the fact that you are so organized and planned and know what to do when you are 80 (if you are alive that is hahaha) even though i will tease you to death about it. I love it that you are neat and tidy and shout at me if i don't fold clothes properly, roll the toilet paper right and leave the toilet seat down:). Even better, i love it that you willingly do all this and more and are never lazy or tired to do anything (except of course shop which im ok with). I don't think i could have lived with a guy who wasn't you. Happy 4th Anniversary. Lets get drunk and celebrate 4 years of achieving nothing.