A brand new day

Well, the bitch mode is on and its been that way for a while now. I am pissed off with anything and everything these days. I know i have been testing Ro's patience but hes not yet lost it. A lot has to do with the fact that i am seriously bored. An idle mind is a devils workshop and my mind is so screwed up it even puts the devil to shame. The days just crawl by and everything just seems to bug me. I pick conversations that would ultimately end up in an argument and then a fight (the 'you dont love me the same way you did, and i gave up my job and a good life back in India to be in this horrible country' are just examples). After three years of being married, Ro now knows where this usually leads to and so agrees to/with the things i say or just shuts up and listens to me go on and on about how horrible my life is.

I am not emotionally attached to anything (except my lovely clothes ofcourse) or anyone. I could easily make do with friends and Ro and end up not calling my family back home for ages. That does not mean i dont love them or anything. Its just that i take them for granted and expect them to know i think about them and love them more than anything. My mom recently complained about how my brother, who is in the US, and I dont keep in touch. She was pretty dramatic about it saying we would ultimately have only each other at the end and things like that. Its true we havent spoken in ages. We catch each other online once in a while and discuss stuff, then abscond for ages. But we both know for a fact that we are doing ok and absolutely love and care for each other no matter what. Ro on the other hand makes it a point to call his folks and sister every Sunday. He'd ask me if i wanted to call home and id be like, nah il speak to them later. And later would be really later. But there are days (like today) when i miss my family so so so much id just want to be with them. I call them up like a tough girl and fill them in on stuff out here. And then my dad says he misses me and a sob escapes. Id just want to be their little girl and not grow up at all. At that moment its like id do anything to just be with them. I'd speak to them for a really long time and then when i hang up I’m an emotional wreck. I pick on everything and anything and we go back to square one. Yes, i am quite an impossible person at times. Ro would say most of the time but its not true. I am not that difficult a person. Very few people are allowed to see this side of mine. I know for a fact that my best friends Riya and Sachu have been there and they sure can handle it. Riya knows me way too well, it sometimes scares me. Sachu will give a humorous twist to it and bring me out of whatever nonsense i am in. My mom would be able to figure out but i wouldn’t let her help me. She'd try for a while and ultimately leave me to handle it. Ro, nope he hasnt reached there as yet, but im sure he will. He is still struggling to handle me and understand me at the moment (newly married couples..no three years in not enough. Given a lifetime also i dont think men would understand women at all). But i so so hope he does get half way there atleast.

So ya, today was one of those horrible days and at the end of it all Im the one suffering. I don’t gain anything by doing so, other than make myself and the people around me uncomfortable. Its all because i am bored, unconstructive and jobless. So tomorrow is a brand new London beginning for me. The proactive me is gonna explore each and every nook and corner of London, start working out  and maybe sign up for some volunteer work. I am so going to make use of my time in this country. Im allowed to brood and do my emotional trip once in a while, but i have promised myself i would snap out of it as soon as possible and look at things in a positive way.

Id also like it if Ro bought me some flowers tomorrow you know...just to pep me up a bit..it would be just perfect..but ya knowing him he’d ask me to just pick up the flowers i like. Why doesn’t he understand that id like anything he picks up? Well i did exchange the last two birthday gifts he bought me, but seriously how can people go wrong with flowers? Well that’s enough matter for a whole new post which i shall discuss another day. 

Not too much of an optimistic start there eh? Well the bitch mode is jus fading away, there are still traces of it. Bear with me.

Anyways, I hope the weather behaves and i have the time of my life. Will update you on what happened.

Privacy eh?

When we moved to London, numerous comments about where to stay came pouring in which confused us to the core. Certain areas in London are to be avoided for obvious reasons and since we were new to the place, we had no idea which place was known for what. I started my apartment viewing sessions and whatever I could gain from the area on my visit, I did but not to the extent of knowing if it was safe and secure. The estate agents obviously put the places up on a pedestal and paint a rosy picture. Some places gave me the chills the moment I got out of the station, others made me feel at home and those were places which were mostly far away in zone 3 and the like (London is divided into 6 zones. Zone 1 is Central London and you can’t afford to live there, unless of course you are part of the Royal family). The further you go, the more you get for the money you spend but it also becomes inconvenient and expensive to travel into Central London. It’s perfect for couples with children- huge town houses with gardens, parks and good schools- who wouldn’t have time to do anything else. But my whole trip of being in London was to be part of the scene. Take in the culture, events, food, theatre, concerts and everything else that London had to offer. London is a great place to be in summer, or so we were told and we succumbed to that blindly. We were left with very few options since we decided not to go beyond zone 2.

We were in a hotel in North Greenwich for about three weeks and we ended up liking the area a lot. So we hunted for apartments in and around that area. I found this one I liked a lot and was hell bent on taking it. It was just beautiful in my eyes. It was nicely furnished and set up very appropriately. Ro on the other hand was more practical and took into consideration space, wind directions, storage and important things like that which did not or would not have gone through my head at all. My face just lit up the moment the agent opened the door and Ro had to give me the stares to stop me from showing interest in the place because it would then be a negative point in bargaining for the rent. I just couldn’t hide the excitement. We left the apartment and then it was discussion/argument time. Ro said it was too expensive and was tiny for the amount we will have to pay. I defended saying we didn’t have to buy anything since it had everything in it including cleaning accessories and crockery and cutlery (which actually I’d hoped was not there because I loved going to the department stores and picking up stuff for the house), the tube station was a stones throw away (exaggeration) and the nearest dept. store was also walking distance (ya right, like I would walk anyway. I definitely will take a bus even if I can see the store entrance from my window). I could just imagine myself reading a newspaper on the balcony and cooking away at the shiny hob to which Ro replied, Nish you never read the newspaper, and making coffee is not cooking. Men are mean. Whatever you do for them, its always a joke, atleast for my husband it is. Hmmpff!!

Anyways, I was in the process of convincing him and there, we see an ad in the newspaper for another apartment and before I realize we are on our way to take a look at the same. We had to change two trains to get there and I already hated it. The apartment was nice, spacious, furnished (not as good as the previous one), had a gym, a pool, a convenient store and the best part, it was a 100 quid lesser than the previous one. This was obviously a good deal and this time Ro’s face lit up. We go and open the curtain leading to the balcony and there, the deal breaker, you can see what your neighbours are having for dinner or rather breakfast, lunch, tea and everything in between. Its like living with them. We take a walk around the area and its really dodgy. But then according to Ro safety is not much of an issue because immediate requirements can be quenched from the convenient store on site and major shopping is just a train ride away and the station is right at your door step. I do not agree saying I need to walk around and in Greenwich I can walk to the grocery store in which case we would be saving on bus fares. So then we discuss this apartment and I bring up the privacy issue. We could always leave our curtains closed, but then whets the point in having a balcony if we need to leave it closed, and summer can be hot. Now the difference between us desi’s and the locals are: we have issues about people peering into our personal lives. Here, no one really looks into each others apartments how much ever they are left open. No one cares what others are doing. People on the ground level apartments leave their doors and windows all open and wear the skimpiest of clothes and walk around. No one even looks and they know that. Its us desi’s who are so tempted to peer into the apartment and get all excited if we see a girl in an underwear talking on the phone or a guy with jus a towel around his waist. Its just natural for us to do that and we keep thinking everyone else wants to do the same. So I finally win the battle over the privacy and the safety issue after a lot of teary endeavours and Ro is sold on the idea it’s going to be menace. Yaay we get the fancy apartment in Greenwich.

So we now stay in a huge apartment complex with about 10 to 12 blocks and they are all far apart. We are on the 5^th floor and like I mentioned before, we have an amazing view of the Thames River on one side and the O2 Arena (where all the concerts happen, has restaurants, bars, pubs, a movie theatre etc.) on the other. Night falls, lights are on and there you go, everyone can see into each others apartments. Maybe not as clearly as what they are having for dinner, but yeah you can still figure out what they are up to. And here, its not just the apartment opposite, you can see what the inhabitants of the entire block is up to. There’s a huge garden, a bus and a car lane separating the two blocks and it’s still so so obvious. Its absolute time pass for me and yes I’m nosy (I don’t have a TV or a proper internet connection as yet). I just sit on my sofa and have a nice time ‘watching people.’ I vaguely made a comment a couple of days back about how we can see into other peoples apartments and Ro nodded back saying, well you should remember they can see into ours as well. (I conveniently forget the privacy argument we had and conclude its a menace). I get the, ‘this is what I was trying to tell you,’ nod and I shut up. So last night I was again cosy on my sofa all ready to apartment gaze (also had a book, just in case) and Ro walks into the room, switches off the light and takes his place next to mine. That way, they don’t see what we are up to; it’s just a one way thingJ

Since we made a mistake, might as well make use of it right?

PS: And by the way I take a bus to the dept. store and Ro takes a bus to the tube station. We have ended up spending double. I also do not roam around, atleast not yet. On the other hand I could have made use of the gym to shed the extra pounds I gained and used the money we would have saved to go on our Europe trip.

Moral of the story: don’t always listen to what women say. 

Paid premium for what?

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was pissed off right from then on. It was so windy and raining and the whole apartment was cold. Every morning i wake up hoping its a nice sunny day so i can have coffee on my balcony, but even nature is against me. In Chennai, where i was earlier, i had a huge balcony and it was a pleasure sitting there with our morning coffee and discussing stuff. I used to be late to work most of the days, but we still did so whatsoever. Moved to Nottingham and the whole apartment was the size of two of our bedrooms put together, leave alone a blacony. It was suffocating and we went from discussing stuff over coffee to checking mails and the like on our independent laptops. No words exchanged! 

So when we were hunting for apartments in London, we decided to take one with a balcony so we could go back to coffee and conversation. I promised my significant other that i would serve brunch on the balcony and wine and cheese under starlit skies. Did move into one with a balcony and an amazing view, but i havent step foot onto it because its just so cold and windy. An option would be to head out in our thermals, gloves and boots and have coffee which would get cold in a jiffy. Whats the point of a lazy morning when you have to do all this? So now we have gone back to sitting at two ends of the room with our laptops convincing ourselves that summer would be better and its ok that we paid premium for a room with a view.

How it all happened

So yes, I have decided to start blogging. Yeah i know, i know..too late for someone who's been associated to writing. But better late than never right? Well, this is, thanks to Jane who has been behind me to blog and now that i have too much time on my hands, i decided to start. 

I remember going for an interview and the 1st question they ask me is, 'Do you have a blog?' ..a Blog, well..i vaguely remember a class on Blogs by a guest lecturer..ya right..you are in college and you dont even listen to your own class teacher, leave alone a guest lecturer! Anyways, i couldnt obviously ask them what a blog was. So i played around and managed to tactfully skip that question. I got the job, but i left it after a couple of months..
Now, after inspiration from reading other blogs, here i am kick starting my episodes with a rather weak one..lost interest already. Just wanted to see how it would look online :)