Friday, 8 May 2009

Mixed Feelings

I'm having mixed feelings about a lot of things now. Its just the other day that i was giving all the gyan i can about living life to the fullest and adjusting with wherever we are. I am totally contradicting it now..I WANT TO GO BACK HOME. I hate it here. I actually don't know whether this going back thing is associated with the fact that my cousin is down from the US, all my friends are getting together for a wedding, my moms making plans to do a lot of travelling with my cousin and then the most obvious one..I'm lonely and I'm missing everyone like crazy. I have this urge to be pampered by my grandma, have some undivided attention from my parents and endlessly chatter with my bestest friends over a cup of coffee. Me and Ro recently had a discussion about how different our interests were, and we decided we shouldn't force each other to do it, rather go ahead and do whatever it is you want. The argument started off with Ro wanting to go rollerblading in Hyde Park and insisting i join him. I don't know how to do so and didn't want to waste 20 quid to rent a blade, fall down and hurt myself on a  day when the weather is pathetic (not that its ok to fall any other day). Ro has a lot of his school friends around and he is on a different trip altogether. Don't get me wrong here, they are really fun to be with and i don't mind meeting up with them and their families once in a while. But me being the anti-social element is not fond of meeting up every other weekend and we rarely share the same interests (children, buggies, schools, nap time, feeding time etc.). And i take ages to get comfortable around people. 
I was talking about my mood swings right, well its a Friday and Ro called me around evening to say we were all to meet up at a friends place. The nasty, PMSing (this is post btw) me bawls over the phone for no apparent reason making Ro very uncomfortable. He then thinks twice about going. But i was smart enough to snap out of it soon and convinced him to carry on. I have absolutely no idea why on earth i said i was not joining them. I lied i was lazy, but that's not it. I am not able to figure out what is going through my mind. I didn't see him for 2 hrs and so i called and called and called and again started crying over the phone (you must be thinking I seriously have issues right?) saying he promised he'd be back for a Pizza dinner (he vaguely mentioned). This is just a simple example of the utter nonsense i put Ro through! He does deserve a prize for bearing with me.
Ro has been a smart ass and has now made his own plans for the weekend. He's going on a 16km walk on the London Loop with his pals tomorrow, and on Sunday roller blading in HP. Who is the loser here? ME!!!! I want to learn salsa dancing and have been asking Ro to join me because most of the places require you bring a partner. He is not interested and i have put it off because i don't have anyone to go with. So now since we are on this trip of doing our own thing, i think i should put on my dancing shoes and enroll for a class. What say? My heads asking me to do my own thing, but my heart wants to do everything with Ro and make an effort to like what he likes (but rollerblading is still a strict NO!). I never used to be like this..i couldn't care less. I guess marriage (and the fact that i don't have a life out here) has made me weak hearted. It makes me pick on small small things like these. 
I usually look forward to a weekend, but this one has already spoilt my mood (spoilt would be an understatement). I don't know what to do. So here i am sipping on a breezer and watching the world pass by (actually watching whats going on in the apartments opposite ours).
All you others have a nice weekend. Sulk! Sulk!


  1. I get u. There are times, we really do not know what we want or why we feel so moody and snappy. I decided a long time back that it is ok to have different interests. Even twins are different from each other. Every other weekend, you can do stuff together and other can be spent doing ur own thing. I say yes to Salsa. And u know what, when you do the thing what ur heart is really after, the world seems a beautiful place with its flaws!

    I somehow believe that over-socializing with people has its drawbacks. People kind of miss that thin line and step into ur very personal territory. I don't like that. I feel stuffy and want out.

    You'll be fine. Just direct ur interests in the right place.

    I hope I helped!

  2. Hi Butterfly..thanks for those words..yes i hope i can actually GET myself to do the things i like..

  3. nisha....i have so wanted to go n' learn salsa n' hv been waiting for robin to c the light at the end of this ur Ro....he is just not interested...n' i hv hesitated coz of more or less the same reasons as u...having been related to you since forever hadn't really made me know you that well...not that i know you too well now...but all the same i see someone really like me in some ways n' really better than me in most other things...

    i can so understnd u whn u say u wanna just go home n' be with frnds n' family...but that's not the main prob here....i think most of your mood swings r coz ur Ro has a routine which keeps him occupied during the day n' u don't....i think taking up some job, needn't be 9-6, n' being in a completely impersonal surrounding and feeling like you are more useful smhw for things other than chores at home might do the trick....i like getting up in the morning n' dressing up for work (my job ain't anything grt, just interesting enuf to keep me busy) n' i keep my mood swings at bay whn i'm with ppl i don't knw too well n' don't knw me too well...

    as for salsa wat say we both take up a dance which doesn't require a partner, get a little comfy with the place n' d the ppl n' then reevaluate???

  4. I get what you're goin thru. That does not mean you have to come back 'HOME'. Well, you don't have SALSA back home, do you? :)

  5. @miri: Yeah u are right about everything you just said. I know i would be perfectly fine if i take up a job. I have other issues to be sorted out there though. So yes i will have to just make do with the occasional freelance assignments. Trying to get some more though! And yes, i do realize we are a lot similar:)
    @reds: I would not need Salsa if i am back home. Just being there with the people that matter to me would make up for everything

  6. ahh nishi dear, heheh we r all not growing up enough...I guess most of us just want to go back to those collge days, with freedom to do what we want, hop around, enjoy, bitch about something and all... Now having husbands and another family is an additional responsibility for all of us...
    and we being we, get all bitchy at times coz we dont know exactly wat we wnat, but we just make atantrum...Here D tells that i am nver satisfied with anything, never happy, always wanting something else, and i never agree to wat he wants to do :P look at us...humm i dont know wen we all r going to change..heheh
    But abt the dancing, go and learn it di, keep urself more occupied, thats the best solution and I guess while u r there chumma keep cheking out every nook and corner of london so that u wont miss out on anything :)

  7. Enigma...i totally agree with you on the 'not growing up enough' bit :) and im alright with it...haha

  8. I must have called a dozen Latin American dancing places while in Bangalore and they said we could dance with a girl friend if we wanted to. My better half just will NOT dance. I have a hard time controlling my laughter when he does his "mock dancing" - which for him is no mockery at all - it's really just the way he dances...adorable for me, unbearable for anyone else watching :D

    Latino dancing requires passion - which we have loads of, but we're not inclined to expend it on a girl friend, or on another guy (yuk) - every dance movie tells you it's a dangerous move (pun intended) :P

    In Feb I considered Hip Hop dancing here in Hyd, then out of laziness I let it go. I think I mite look that up again :O)
    My cousin Merl is doing belly dancing in Blore and loving it. Considering we have ample belly may be should give that a shot alle?

  9. LOL yeah we do have ample belly...u got that one right:)
    I should seriously find out a form of dance (which im interested in) and doesn't require a partner....