All that happened...

..so far. Well, for starters, the blog turned 3 years old on 25th (rather sadly). I was just checking how many posts I did last year and it is 2, not including my worthless GM diet updates on a per day basis. In spite of being asked on and on why I don't blog here and in spite of wanting to blog here more than on my food blog, I just didn't do it because, lets face it, words pour out when I'm depressed or unhappy or angry (mostly at Ro, but also at life in general) and I was ridiculously happy as a person last year. 

I knew it was all too good to last, because 2012 has not been that great for me (so far). Mentally, physically and emotionally I am a wreck..OK I'm exaggerating a bit..but what's life without some drama right? Here are some of my thoughts as a 30 something year old, who has no clue what life has in store, heck she has no clue what the day has in store for her, leave alone life.

• My personal Facebook page has become torturous. These days I dread logging on to FB. Why? you ask? Well if its not someone getting married its someone pregnant, or baby showers or new born baby pictures or corny professional pics that's all over the place. It's so much peer pressure that it makes you wanna have a baby (like for facebooks sake). I'm so bored, but that's a good thing because I now spend very little time on FB.
• My FB page for my food blog on the other hand, which I started just for the heck of it, has proved to be quite fruitful. Like minded people discussing food and photography, clearing doubts on food and such is fun, not to mention loads of fabulous friends I made- genuine ones who lift my spirits on a sad day. It has changed my attitude towards blogging on the whole.
• 6 years into our marriage and we I have no clue where I stand (Ro probably has it all figured out, I'm sure). Its become seriously boring that I have soooo begun to enjoy my alone time doing whatever I please (and even fantasising scenes from Unfaithful..is that creepy?). Is that why people go ahead and have kids? A friend once said..We had a baby because otherwise we would have to talk to each other. I somehow understood what she meant. It's like this..if the internet connection conks on us one day, Ro and I would not know what to do. 
• Every morning I wake up with a new (health) issue. This morning was no different and the issue was  hair loss. Noticed a patch with thinning hair and it freaked the hell out of me. The wretched google said there might be underlying issues, so yes that has caused enough trauma to last me one week.
• In two minds about taking up a full time job. Pro's: I love my freelance work way to much to let go of it completely. It gives me flexibility, I write about what I love, I don't have a boss and I just acquired a few new clients who I'm extremely happy with. Con's: Pay is not that great, work is not regular and I don't get to meet new people since I work from home. I decided to meet the issue half way by looking for a part time job. Not that easy to come across in my field of work, but thinking about taking anything up, just to get out of the house once in a while and have a life.
• On the plus side, my food blog has started making money and I am being invited to loads of events and get togethers and stuff which all this while I shunned thinking the blog was just a hobby and that I wasn't gonna spend too much time on it or for it. I finally decided to get out there and meet other food bloggers (which apparently is a big community in UK) and went for a networking event. Met loads of like minded people and journalists and pr people, had a fab night with food and drinks and was back home happy and content. I have made it a point to go to all events I'm invited to (food related) and make new friends. 

So on this 3 year anniversary, the least I could do for my blog was to give it a face lift. I am in love with all things yellow, and the blue thrown in to show, well, those days when I'm in the 'blues.' Thanks to all my 54 followers who patiently waited for me to post something and this year is the year of photography for me. I have developed a keen interest in food photography and I would love to do more landscapes and portraits. If I get out and about doing it, then I shall at least post some pics here. Till then adios amigos.

Leaving you with a few things spring and yellow.

Heaved a high sigh!

I am such a sucker for romance...really. Last night i saw this old chick flick Maid in Manhattan and it made me so badly want romance in my life...and that movie is not even that great a romantic movie. But as i sat there sipping a glass of wine, watching hunky Ralph Fiennes hold JLo...with 'Come away with me,' by Norah Jones playing in the background...i was all queasy and wondered for the hundredth time why romance just dies in a marriage...why we don't bother to keep it alive even after the honeymoon period, why we just take things for granted and why i so badly want it. I mean i know life is not like how it is in the movies, but it just cant 'not be there' right? Or am i just naive and refuse to accept reality?

Back with a Bang!

I have ignored this space for so long and am feeling horrible about it. Even though my food blog seems to be more popular with 23 followers, Open Book is still my favourite space. I can actually blurt out whatever i want to and not care a damn about being judged, although i know a lot of em out there do judge me..but seriously, I couldn't care less.

My previous post was quite heart wrenching for me and now I'm embarrassed at having written all that. So you can say this post is to cover up the awkwardness. And as weird as it sounds, I got the maximum number of comments on that one. To an extent it comforted me...that i was not the only one going through emotions like that. Thank you all...

So whats been happening at my end..well, lets see...

1. I thought i should start job hunting seriously. I have a few projects in hand that i need to submit. But truth is, i haven't started work on that, neither have i started work on my resume. Honestly, I'm trying to figure out if its PR or Publishing or Editing or Writing or Events i want to work in. I have to undergo a proper interview if and when a consultant calls me. So i should be very clear on what i want and realised i cant play my way around like back in India..its a very serious issue here. And life would have been so much better if i could just for once decide what i wanted.

2. I have been putting off gym sessions for a while now. I decided to finally get off my comfort zone and start gymming on march 1st only to realize the package i wanted was not available in the gym nearby and i had to do a 15 minute bus ride to another gym to avail that package. If i took the one nearby, it was a 10 pound extra for facilities i would rarely or never use for that matter. After brainstorming with Ro, i am now pissed and am still in the process of deciding which one i should succumb to. Again we come back to making decisions.

3. I miss my girlfriends...I saw the Sex and the City 2 trailer the other day and wished for the 100th time i had them somewhere nearby, so we could all go watch the movie together and then go out and have Cosmopolitans and partay. Ro asked me why i miss them and i very openly told him i was so bored of hanging out with him. I got even more upset when i took a voice message left by one of Ro's colleagues about a project of theirs and i could clearly understand what that guy was talking about....IT related security solutions. That was an eye- opener. I need girl company and that too immediately.

4. I'm thoroughly enjoying baking. Its one thing i think i wouldn't mind doing even when I'm extremely tired. Like the other day, I was so craving some yogurt cake and at 10 in the night I decided to bake against Ro's wishes and it was one of the yummiest cakes I've ever made. Yes I'm blowing my own trumpet..somebody has to :)

5. I am gonna make it a point to go to church every Sunday henceforth and then compulsory brunch after that...that way i get to review various restaurants and enjoy brunch in one of the worlds greatest culinary cities. Although I'm now wondering if I'm doing church to have brunch on Sunday or vice versa. We went to St Pauls Cathedral the other day and what drama i must say. It was like theatre. Be it the sermon or communion or whatever it was, all had a bit of glamour added to it by the priests walking up and down with a sceptre and chanting and lining up and all sorts of stuff like that. It was highly touristy i guess. The choir was brilliant, but the echo was way too irritating. Ro- the non believer- attended the communion and he said the bread was stamped St. Pauls and that i missed it. I had to remind him it was a holy communion he was talking about and God would not leave him alone to which he replied there is not god. I wonder how ill convince him to head to church every Sunday.. maybe the brunch would do the trick.

6. The new DSLR has given a whole new perspective on photography..at least to me. We lug it around wherever we go and Central London is never out of new things to capture. Its so full of life and excitement and crowded and i love it. This pic was taken at Regent Street near Picadilly circus after a visit to the National Geographic Store and Cafe that was hosting a photography exhibition.

7. We very rarely have a full moon night or rather a clear night and when we did, we had to capture it. Didn't have a tripod back then, so its not picture perfect. Ro and me huddled together in the cold and managed to get this:

8. Its still cold and windy and pathetic and i cant wait for summer (note: I'll crib about it being too warm then). The only relief is that Spring has slowly made its way through and it wont be long that we are back in the green. To celebrate Spring, we went and got a few flowers and plants. I wanted fully grown plans with flowers and all the works and it just had to look pretty on my balcony, whereas Ro tried explaining to me it was a pleasure seeing the plant go from scratch..well..whatever that pleasure is...i really don't think I'll have it. We picked up Tulips and cypress and Iris and Daffodils and even a few herbs for cooking. I am not a gardening/plants/ flowers person at all. I don't even know how to appreciate it. You might wonder why i got them in the first place..have no clue... I wish I knew. Its like all other things in my life...after the initial excitement, I'm bored with it. A friend asked if we were watering it and I said its Ro's duty to which he didn't reply but gave me a stare that lasted a while. Our orange tree is so shattered, I think it will die completely by end of summer.

Some of the flowers bloomed and i clicked a few pics. I'm loving the new DSLR!

TULIPS & HERBS (in the pot..i am yet to plant it)

CYPRESS

IRIS

DAFFODILS

No heading ...its a state of mind for me

This is how i wanted it to be:

Pass out of college and get a kick ass job

Move into an apartment on my own and live life to the fullest

Take salsa classes

Make enough money to do my higher studies in a good University abroad, preferably the US..i say abroad because the course i want to specialise in is available only in Universities abroad..and US because half of my family is there and i have a soft corner for US;)

Pass out with flying colours and get a job

Think about marriage

Build my way up the career ladder

Visit loads of places

Take up a hobby and be serious about it. Pottery, painting, baking, candle making and so on.

Meet a Mr. perfect (and by that i mean someone in my wavelength..there is no Mr perfect in reality)somewhere along the way and get hitched for life

Have the most amazing, romantic wedding ever and be so smitten and in love for ever and ever and ever

Honeymoon for about 5 years and then decided to go the family way

Have kids and still enjoy life to the fullest and not fall out of love in the process

Not stop 'having a life' because you are all settled down

Chuck the kids out of the house by 18 and go ask them to live life the hard way, make money on their own if they want to have an extravagant wedding (if they want to get married at all that is. Living together..good enough for me)

By now i would have reached somewhere up the career ladder, prob own a business or something and so id be tackling other areas of interest or expanding my business

Take a holiday without having to worry about loans and ailments

Die before my husband does :)

This is how it ultimately IS

Passed out of college and did land a job

Moved into an apartment on my own and was just beginning to enjoy life to the fullest.

6 months down, i got engaged and quit my job (no not to Mr. Perfect but to Mr. systematic and I'm-serious-in-life-i-cant-do-things-for-fun)

Had a pretty decent wedding, but not the one of my dreams. Smitten yes, for a good 2 years, after that it was just plain annoying to have a nagging husband..yes in our case.

Honeymooned for exactly one week and after that it was eclipsed. Fought on all valentines days, birthdays etc. after that, religiously :)

Pottered around a newly set up house, threw parties, had a tough time adjusting to the new person in my life and married life in general

Missed being single, a lot

Went off to the US. Was beginning to like it there when we had to return back to India

Frustration set in and i got a job, again

Enjoyed myself to the max, loved the job, loved being independent, loved the appreciation, loved the money, loved the pressure, loved life in general

One year down, quit the job, relocated to UK. Within UK, relocated quite a bit. And yeah uncertainty rocks!!!!! You should try it sometime

Frustrated, friendless, fat

Struggling to freelance from home. Was doing OK, till a bunch of unprofessional f****** in the publishing business decided to keep my pay stalling and i decided to quit. Thanks a lot F----e (you know which mag right?)

Non stop harassment from people-i-don't-care-about, about stuff i don't care about at the moment

Did i mention FAT?

...this is the story so far

Yeah yeah, sob, sob, i know everyone has their share of miseries. I'm in one of those miserable moods and the rainy, gloomy weather inst helping much. I complete 4 years of wedded bliss (quite a strong word to use, if i may say so) in 3 days. What a pathetic time for me to remember nasty things. Well, if only the world was a happier place to be in and life worked out just the way you planned it.

As if that wasn't enough, I am entering the big three zero soon and i haven't achieved any of those things i wanted to. Reality set in last night and i recalled all those things i wanted to do and which i would have done if my head had made the decision and not my heart. I cried myself to sleep and actually woke Ro with my uncontrollable sobs. He thought i had a bad dream or something and in between snores consoled me saying, its all OK...well, little does he know!

PS: Even though i have an emotionless, unromantic goof of a guy as husband, he is the only one who can actually stand me (although I'm sure he's wished a million times he'd married someone else). Understand me, not quite well, but bear with what I'm going through, yes to an extent. I love you and I'm sorry for being a bitch right now. I love the fact that you are so organized and planned and know what to do when you are 80 (if you are alive that is hahaha) even though i will tease you to death about it. I love it that you are neat and tidy and shout at me if i don't fold clothes properly, roll the toilet paper right and leave the toilet seat down:). Even better, i love it that you willingly do all this and more and are never lazy or tired to do anything (except of course shop which im ok with). I don't think i could have lived with a guy who wasn't you. Happy 4th Anniversary. Lets get drunk and celebrate 4 years of achieving nothing.

Yaay im back!

All Christmassy @ the Canary Wharf

Hellow and happy New Year to all of you. Yes, i am back in London and thoroughly enjoying every bit of it. I just couldn't’t wait to get back to London and feel all Christmassy and in the thick of things. Weird right? The reason i went down was for a reunion we had planned...with the 2 most amazing friends in my life. R, i grew up with and we are neighbours ( my mom and her mom were friends and neighbours and expected us almost at the same time and we were born a week apart) and then S, we met up in College and have been inseparable ever since. We vowed to meet up once a year and we did manage to keep it all up when we were in India. Now that we are married and settled in various parts of the world, its become less frequent but still we try and get together whenever possible. Since R was going down for her annual vacation and S was in Mumbai, I just had to be all emotional for a week and ta da Ro buys me a ticket to go home for not 2 but 6 bloody weeks (i thought that was a tad too long a time at home..but whatever!). So we met up in Mumbai and oh my god we had a great time. Shopped like mad, talked about stuff in our lives, gossiped about ex boyfriends and bitched about husbands (wink!). R and i got back home and she had to leave in 10 days time after which it was torture for me. I was bored! As simple as that. To top it all, i had weather issues (this coming from someone who spent the greater part of her life in humid Kerala and the rest in hot Chennai). The clothes that I brought down made me itchy..the neck, the hands and even legs. I had no cotton clothes and so had to go splurge on that (not that i was complaining) and now have left them all behind because its is useless here in UK, even in summer! I couldn't eat spicy food. How can you be in Kerala and not succumb to spicy food. I however went ahead and ate it, which in turn gave me tummy trouble. Milk..i culdn't have the normal milma milk..can you beat that? Tried the tetra pack..even worse. I was forbidden the amazing filter coffee at Saravana Bhavan in Chennai. But i went ahead and did so anyway. Result...had a date with my aunts loo continuously for half an hr. Ro had the same issues the last time we were in India and i marked him as a stuck up Brit. Now i completely understand and wont make fun of him again. So basically, i hated this trip cos it screwed up with all the things i looked forward to. I have never missed London so much. I remember R almost in tears in having to return to work and me also almost in tears having to spend the rest 4 weeks with nothing to do.

Linking Road, Mumbai. One of the 4 pairs :)

Came back home and it was the 22nd of dec..London was so Christmassy and so full of life. I dashed to the supermarket fighting my jet lag and it was just awesome to be in the midst of all that Christmas shopping (even if it is just grocery). We decided to go to St Pauls Cathedral for their Choral service, but the crowds were massive and we had stand in line for about half an hour only to realise the seats were filled and so couldn't get in. We however went to St James Cathedral on Piccadilly Circus and attended the Christmas Carol service there. It was average...i wouldn't vouch for it. Christmas was however a small affair at a cousins place with turkey and the add ons.

Turkey Lunch for Christmas

26th Dec was the Boxing day sale and i basically went berserk at the Westfield mall. It was madness and so i ended up walking in and out of shops making a mental note of things to buy later (meaning when Ro is not with me)...ah and also making a note to get my own credit card and not an add-on card. I finally got myself something from a shop that had no sale and like losers we walked out. The next 3 days were spent at different shopping locales and if you have the patience i must say this is the time to shop..I have the patience but not with a man tagging along pretending i don't exist when i walk into a lingerie shop. Ultimately it was Ro who picked up stuff for himself and i have proclaimed myself as a very fussy shopper. I walked all over London, surfed various shops online and still haven't found that perfect trench coat. What i bought...a Chanel lip gloss which is out of this world. Now i know why people die for designer brands. Once you are addicted, you cannot think about anything less that that..trust me..its awesome. I was the type who used to love road side shopping, not that i don't like it anymore (picked up 4 pairs of sandals from Linking Road in Mumbai for 600 bucks..that's under 10 pounds and i couldn't help smiling at my achievement). The fact that i can only wear them in a warm country didn't cross my mind then..so yes, they are all still in Kerala. (I am thanking God that Ro doesn't read my blog). Anyways, i have realised that it is better to spend money on something that will last longer. Seriously! no more spending money on cheap shit is my New Year resolution, unless of course they are incredibly cheap ;) and id be stupid not to buy them.

Talking about New Year..we decided to head to the infamous London Eye for the New Year's Eve fireworks display. Also decided to grab dinner somewhere outside and then head to one of the viewing areas. Since the plan was last minute, getting a reservation at the restaurants were a task. It was all sold out or the earliest we could be squeezed in was around 10ish. We however decided to hit Central London and by luck managed to get a table at Browns after ordering Martini's at their bar. I was a bit adventurous and decided to try the Guinea Fowl with a coq au vin style sauce and rice which was out of this world, and Ro went ahead with the 28 Day Aged Rib Eye Steak which was average. There was no space for dessert and so skipped it. We made our way through to the Thames river side and it was already packed with people..this was at 9pm. Got a pretty neat location on the Waterloo bridge and so began our wait. By about 9.30 i was freezing. I couldn't feel my toes, in spite of wearing knee high boots and 3 layers of clothing, gloves and the works. By 10 DJ Nihal from BBC started his work..which was getting to me by 10.15 and i started acting all cranky. I began convincing Ro to head back home and decided it was so not worth standing in the cold to watch 10 minutes of fireworks display. He however kept prolonging and finally when the countdown began on the big building next to the eye, i was in full spirit. The fireworks were nice, i wouldn't say out of this world, but the whole feel of the place was nice. The Big Ben chimed at 12 and the fireworks were in full swing, immediately after which everyone sang Auld Lang Syne and what do you know, it started to snow..flurries rather..but it was magical. We had carried a bottle of Champagne to pop open at 12. We couldn't even take our hands out from the pocket, leave alone the Champagne. We popped it open at home at around 2am. So New Years was kinda nice...like DJ Nihal said..it was the worlds biggest street party with 250, 000 people.

St Pauls Cathedral. Its way too huge to get it in one frame

Ro got himself a very expensive Canon EOS 500D camera as New Years Gift (as he calls it) and so on the 3rd we went to St Pauls for the Sunday service (which was so dramatic and i shall blog about it later) and then went around town clicking pics followed by brunch at Tootsies on Bond Street. After 2 weeks of holidaying, Ro went back to work on 4th but stayed back and worked from home yesterday and today because of severe weather warning..and yes its snowing like crazy now.

Snow on our balcony

Backyard

Each time i see snow its the same excited mode i go into.

...and ofcourse you have to taste it

I loved the holiday season and its just getting better with our wedding anniv and both our birthdays round the corner. Haven't started updating my food blog, but shall soon do so. I'm still catching up on all your blogs, so pardon me if i don't leave comments as yet.

A friend met with an accident and he's in hospital after a major surgery. Please do keep him in your prayers and deeps..i hope you have a speedy recovery. Enigma, a hearty welcome to the new born. I'm sure you are thrilled. Get back on your feet, and i cant wait to hear all the gory details :). All you others, i hope you have an amazing year ahead with loads and loads of happiness.

Just a quick note to say im heading to India tomorrow and will be back by December end..well just before Christmas to be honest (Now who wants to miss the Boxing Day Sale right). After a wee bit of travelling till end of this month, il be more or less jobless after Dec first week. Hope to catch up with all of you and blog a bit then.

Till then its bubbye from me and hope you all have a great winter :)

PS: Thanks a lot reflections for writing in to see if i was busy. Now you know why i absconded:)

Four years...but does it feel like forever?

...is what i keep saying when someone asks how long me and Ro have been together. Yes, four years back, this day Ro and me met for the first time. Err to be more precise, it was sometime between the 20th and the 27th...lets put it that way. Its so weird that its usually the women/girl in the relationship that remembers the dates... birthdays, the day they first met, the day they first held hands and so on. I am nothing like that. I am still confused about Ro's birthday in spite of it being the same month as mine, but i rem my best friends b'day again in the same month...weird? I thought so too! I don't remember the day we first met and so every year i conveniently announce a day or 2 before hand that 21st or 22nd or whatever will be x number of years since we met. So today, i have decided its 4 years and whats different...nothing:)

Ro is working from home and as usual eating my head every five minutes asking me for food or coffee or juice or whatever. I am watching Gilmore Girls (ya...absolutely lame..don't ever start watching it) and waiting for the next season of Everwood to start on Channel 4 and simultaneously typing this out. I made Tiramisu yesterday and its chilling in the refrigerator. I have become a pro at it and I'm slowly losing the enthusiasm at making it, since its now no longer an achievement. If you are thinking its damn difficult, its not at all. I also have decided we are going out to dinner..i am yet to figure out where.

Our first date was at this really sad coffee shop in Chennai called Java Green..i was so adamant about not meeting Ro when my parents called up and asked me to do so. Whatever bit of excitement was left, was ruined when he suggested Java Green and to this day i take his trip on that, to which he holds the fact that he was based in Mumbai, and had no clue about places in Chennai. Although the fact that he took me back to the same place a year later was incredibly sweet. I wore torn jeans and an even worse top...purposely looked like a college girl and i had my friends call me every now and then to make him realise i had better things to do...which i honestly did. He however, happened to be in Chennai for a week and asked me out a couple more times..actually twice or thrice a day, the entire week, took me to expensive restaurants, bought me flowers and completely wooed me into it. I was so stupid to fall for all that shit. That's probably the first and last time he ever bought me flowers..er and also when i quit my first job cos he thought id be upset. Well anyways, what i was trying to say is..if you think its gonna be the same even after you get married, its not....and i thought it would be.

Now when i ask Ro why he doesn't get me flowers, he's like..there are way too many varieties and i don't know what you like, so why don't you go pick up any flower you like..well, that's the whole point....dumbo! get to know what flower your wife likes, and what colour she likes the most. To which he replies, ' you are confused yourself....what flower do you like N? Err mmm..tulips, no no wait roses...no no no I'm sure i like the daisies or maybe even the white lilies..oh no not white, cos it will look too plain in our apartment.' Well, i think he just proved his point. 'Why don't you make an effort to know what i want and buy it for me..surprise me..the fact that you made an effort is good enough (not actually..id like to get it too).' What do you want for your birthday? Oh baby, i don't want anything (means...i obviously want something, but i shall not say what...you need to enter my mind and play along with it every minute so you would, at the end of it all figure out what i might want). When that doesn't work, i throw hints..hmm I've always wanted a pair of Jimmy Choos, that trench coat sure would help stop the gusty wind hitting my thighs, my sunglasses are broken (or it will be soon). After all this drama....N, here's some money, go buy what you like...is what i hear. Well, the fact that i exchange most of the things Ro's got me is another thing, but he could still make an effort right.. well this went on for quite a while and initially it used to upset me so much because i make such an effort at things like this. Now i have resigned to the fact that i should just tell him what i want, or even better I'm completely OK with the fact that i get gift money and i can do whatever i want with it. In fact i think I'm beginning to like this arrangement a whole lot better.

See i have evolved from a hard core romantic to a more practical woman....well mostly. And Ro...from a person who thinks birthdays and anniversaries are over rated, has come this far to play along with me and humour me. And this is just one of the simpler things that both of us have learned to accept about each other. We have had our share of terrible times when all i wanted to do was run away which i sometimes feel now as well, but i know that at the end of it all, i would run back to him...Ro this is to you..who is a complete pain in the ass most of the time, but the bestest friend ever..muah!